2000’s, "This love of life makes me weak at my knees"

Allow the floodgates to open. Allow this to wash over you, to wash you away, to erase the everything that makes you, you. Invisible hands lead invisible eyes, make hidden lies seem less important, less dangerous.

I want to be less dangerous with you, I feel less fatalistic. I feel myself floating. I feel myself passing through this. I feel myself under the influence of something beyond my control.

I understand you less and it's the way it's supposed to be, isn't it? Isn't it? Just this way and not like another. You and I and not another, no-one else.

The movement of the earth, the sky a cold shelter and no need to measure the time between us. No need to weigh and calculate the cost of communions felt only by us.


This is almost like a dream. If I were left standing and you were the one under the ground. You'll never bury me, you'll scatter my ashes, you'll let me loose in the wind, into water, into air, into fire. I shall walk the way by fire, I shall fly in my final exit.

Exit into - what? Into the Great Big Empty.

I wanna grow up one day and be Nothing, Mummy dear. I wanna end it in a big big way. I wanna impress the Sky Gods and sleep with the Fire Goddesses. I want the sun to smile ever so slightly at me. I want to take the moon as a lover (discreetly so).

I want 18th century flamboyance, I want deco darlings and hungry bohemians wandering through overgrown gardens.

I want to spin and twirl and feel something awhile. Feel anything awhile. Feel you. See you. Leave you.

Move and keep moving. It's alright. We know this tune.

We all move, even if it's retracing steps, even if it's walking back into one's self, even if it's walking with eyes only.

Yeah yeah yeah watch this watch me fall in some grand gesture that seems less and less significant the closer I get to the Finale. Oh well it was worth the laugh wasn't it?

Every gesture is worth a proper laugh, a laugh, a smile cracked, a pain so sharp and vivid it entertains for hours.

I want to win you with a sweep of words which wrap you up and redesign you. I want the next big thing I come up with to hypnotize you. I want to be the one who tricks you into believing how wonderful I can be! How divine an imagination, how intense and provocative a prowess.

I like mysteries that unfold slowly. I like secrets which remain just so out of reach. I like the next step to allude me. I like blindfolded minuets and muffled talk on dance floors, the music too loud to ever get it across how you feel.

I wonder what it's like to have things settled inside you.
I wonder what it's like to know to thine own self be true and then never falter.
I wonder why I like to stand so close to the golden children of the future.

Why is it I loved the brighest stars and for awhile I amused them enough for them to forget their godly appeal. I feel the court jester sometimes, tricked into wearing the kings crown and nearly beheaded for my mistake.

I feel like the 1980s when I was a child and love seemed something out of reach for me.
I feel like the 1990s when love was everything to me and I chased it through each minefield, a little explosion hitting me here and there, knocking me around until I landed into the 21st century pretty much intact.

I made the mistake of loving once, twice, three times, four times, more or less, more times or less I can not recall...

I loved I loved I loved and I fell.

I stumbled a little more each time. I smiled less. I felt something stir. I felt something die. I felt something else stir. I felt things peel back. I felt things open. I felt them fester. I felt blood drawn. I felt myself quartered. I felt the universe's laughter.

Another one down for the count. Another one getting up again to go back down. Down again and climbing back up. I felt more die.

I felt more break off and dissipate. I felt the ashes of the past rise back to the surface. I felt other times, other ages, other choices embraced. I felt love like it was when I had it in undiluted embraces.

I remember love when it still felt innocent.
When I felt someone invade and I was grateful for it.